


When you're going through hell...

by paper_back_writer



Series: Not Looking 'Verse [10]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dom/sub Undertones, Family Issues, M/M, Werewolf Mates, infertility issues, mentions of mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 22:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14903534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paper_back_writer/pseuds/paper_back_writer
Summary: Jared and Jensen wake up, mated...and all they know about each other are their first names.- There's bad news. And then there's this.





	When you're going through hell...

**Author's Note:**

> SURPRISE!!!
> 
> I bet after _THREE YEARS_ you figured this would never be finished. And yet here I be!
> 
> Before we get started...
> 
> • one of the reasons I found it hard to write this chapter is the subject matter. It's sad and upsetting and I knew I would be leaving it on a cliffhanger, so I couldn't write it without posting the final chapter (coz I didn't want to leave you hanging with those feels...gawd, can you imagine...) and I didn't have the time to tackle 10K in one sitting  
> • the other reason that it's taken so long is that I stopped watching the show and I found myself not really feeling the J2 thing. I lost my connection to them somehow and I struggled to connect back to these AU characters too.
> 
> So.
> 
> What I did is go back through the fic and re-edit it as a Sterek in the hopes that my other OTP could give me a boost to finally finish this.  
> And It worked!!
> 
> I'm going to post these chapters as the Not Looking J2 'verse. But I'm also going to **post the Sterek version as one complete work**. ...because I do what I want...So, you can read it here. Or if you likes the Sterek, then you can read a slightly smoother, re-edited version of this story when I post it after I've posted this. I don't mind.  
>  I'm just glad that it's done finally. I never for a moment considered orphaning this fic but, fuck me, this is a weight off my mind. It might not be great but it's finished!  
> Can I get a 'Hallelujah'?! x

Jared opened the front door, feeling nothing but emptiness. He’d hoped for the same thing to be true of the house when they’d arrived home but he could already hear Isaac and Aaron talking and laughing lightly in the lounge. Pushing the door wide, he stepped back and let Jensen pass, his shoulders slumped and his head hanging down, the posture unchanged from the way they had left the doctors office. The silence on the journey home had been excruciating.

Jensen moved slowly up the hall, drifting like a ghost. Isaac must have heard them come in and was moving away from Aaron as they passed the doorway. The boys had their homework laid out on the coffee table but it looked no different from when Jared and Jensen had left two hours earlier. Even though Isaac hadn’t said anything, it was was clear that he and Aaron were dating, or at least they were getting around to it.

It looked like Isaac was going to jump up and make some joke at first but then he saw Jensen and his face flooded with worry.

“What’s wrong?”

Jared shook his head, pleading with his eyes for the boy to not push. “Why don’t you two make yourselves scarce for a bit.”

Isaac nodded and Aaron started to silently gather their books together but Jensen raised his head slightly and held up his hand. “No. No, stay and…I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed.” He sounded as exhausted as Jared felt but Jared knew it was more than that. More than anything he wanted to be able to reach out and touch, to hold his mate and tell him everything was going to be okay but once Jensen had pushed him away the first time Jared had tried to comfort him, Jared was too hurt and too scared to try again. 

“I’ll make some food and bring it up in a while,” he said softly, wanting to offer something at least.

But Jensen didn’t bother looking back and just mumbled, “I’m not hungry,” as he walked away. And Jared felt a little guilty that he was relieved he wouldn’t have to look at Jensen’s red eyes and tear-stained face, knowing he couldn’t do anything to make it better.

 

It had been a disappointment when Jensen hadn’t fallen pregnant after his first heat with Jared. It was fairly normal for new mates to find themselves with new pups the first time around as all the hormones flying about really amped up their fertility. Jensen had simply put it down to having been on suppressants for such a long time and they didn’t worry too much. 

The fact that Jensen didn’t get pregnant in the period up to his next heat was a little unusual. Even though an Omegas fertility was much less virulent it would have still been possible, especially with the amount of sex they were having that ended in Jared’s knot.

But three weeks after Jensen’s second heat, when Jared had come home to find Jensen sat in the middle of the bathroom floor, pregnancy tests scatter around him like confetti, looking at all the negative results with such confusion on his face, it was clear they had to do something.

Kim had made them the appointment. It was a doctor she trusted and said had an excellent reputation. Jared had checked her out thoroughly anyway, so he felt confident telling Jensen that everything would be okay and it was probably nothing to worry about and that even if it was that he was sure the doctor would be able to help them.

And he believed it. 

Right up until the moment Jensen had told the doctor the name of the suppressant that his parents’ physician had put him on at fourteen. The look on her face said it all.

She had used words like ‘unethical’ and ‘unconscionable’, even going so far as to take the guy’s name. She used a lot of jargon even though Jared could tell that she was trying her best to dumb down the information. She had an anatomical picture that she pointed to with her pen. But even so it was too hard to take all the information in as the color drained from Jensen’s face and he started to crumble as she talked. 

Technically, it was a suppressant that he’d been prescribed but it was one well known for causing infertility and even sterilization in Omegas if it was given to them when they were too young. Normally, it was reserved for Omegas who knew they didn’t want any more pups and even then, it was reluctantly given without an Alpha’s informed consent and written permission. 

Other than that she didn’t seem to be able to give them a straight answer, mostly as she’d never come across an Omega who had been taking the drug from such a young age or for such a long time. She couldn’t say that Jensen would never be able to carry a child but the chances were so slim… When she mentioned that adoption was always an option, Jensen had started to cry and then couldn’t seem to stop.

Jensen had let Jared lead him from the office but when he had tried to put his arms around him in the hall, Jensen had shrugged away from him, as if he couldn’t bear Jared’s touch and just whispered, “Please take me home.”

And that had been the last thing Jensen had said until they had got back to the house.

 

Jared watched Jensen take the stairs, each step more effortful than the last and thought he might suffocate. It was as if he couldn’t take a breath, his chest was so tight, but he forced himself to turn back to Isaac and Aaron who were watching their exchange wide-eyed. “I’ll make some sandwiches—”

“You don’t have to,” Isaac interrupted, starting to stand. “We can—”

Jared held up his hand. “No, I—I need to do something. You just—” He sighed, wishing he could give Isaac some reassurance but not trusting himself to do it. “Just finish up your homework. That essay has to be done by Tuesday.”

Isaac nodded and sank back into the chair, his hand seeking Aaron’s as he whispered, “Yes, Alpha.”

If he meant it to comfort Jared, it didn’t. 

Somehow, he managed to find his way to the kitchen and started drawing ingredients from the refrigerator. Every movement was born of muscle memory rather than conscious thought to the extent that when he saw a neat stack of sandwiches in front of him, Jared had no recollection of making them at all. He shared the bulk of them out onto two plates for the boys, leave one for Jensen and one for himself. Then he transferred half of his onto Jensen plate realizing he had no appetite.

The boys seemed pleased enough to get the food although they were abnormally quiet and polite about it. Jared brushed a hand over Isaac’s shoulder, hoping to assuage some of his anxiety and was relieved to see his smile as he turned to leave the room.

A noise on the stairs had Jared diverting from his path away from the kitchen. Jensen was coming down, looking just as broken as when he’d gone up. Except now he had his old duffle bag in his hand and a jacket over his shoulders.

Jared’s insides turned to water, but he thought maybe he’d got it wrong. “I was just bringing you some food. Would you like some coffee? Or—or that tea you like? I can make it.”

Jensen’s lower lip quivered and he whispered, “Jay.”

Jared took a tentative step forward, his hand outstretched with no intention to touch. “Please. Just…why don’t we just sit and eat? Please.”

Jensen shook his head. “I can’t, I—”

The doorbell rang and Jared gasped as panic started to claw at his throat. “No. Nonono, you can’t—”

“Please.” Jensen’s eyes were brimming with tears and Jared knew whatever Jensen asked him in that moment, he’d be powerless to deny him. “Please, Alpha. Let me go.”

Jared’s wolf howled and urged him to block the way, desperate and stricken at the thought of the Omega leaving. But as much as he couldn’t do it, Jared found himself unable to move away either. 

Jensen seemed to see it and slowly walked down the last few steps, squeezing by Jared’s frozen body without looking up.

“What’s going on?” Isaac came out of the lounge, arms wrapping around his chest as if to comfort himself. “Are you  _ leaving? _ ” 

He looked between Jared and Jensen with wide eyes until finally Jensen cleared his throat and said quietly, “Just for a while.”

Isaac breathed out so quickly and so heavily it sounded almost like he’d been punched. “But you’re coming back, right?”

The length of time it took for Jensen to answer was almost worse than when he simply replied, “I’ll speak to you in a few days.”

Jared’s only consolation as he watched Jensen walk out of their home, was that Colin was waiting for him on the other side of the door, his beat-up old Jeep leaking oil onto their driveway. Perhaps if there had been a stranger, a nameless taxi driver, Jared might have felt more able to put his foot down, to compel his Omega to stay, force him if he had to. It was his right. Jensen belonged to him. But Jensen was going to be with family, with pack, and so Jared just stood there and watched him go.

When the door finally swung shut, the noise was like a bullet, practically sending Jared to his knees. Isaac stepped forward but Jared held up his hand, unable even to look up at him. “Get your things and go to Aaron’s tonight. Don’t be late for school in the morning.”

If Isaac wanted to argue, the urge didn’t last long. Jared thought he might have replied, “Yes, Alpha,” but Jared was already climbing the stairs, lifting one heavy limb after the other.

The door to their bedroom was closed. Jared knew it was irrational but regardless he felt the urge to open it and check to see if he’d imagined this whole thing, that what had just happened was some kind of nightmare and he would open the door to find Jensen folding laundry or sprawled on the bed reading or waiting seductively, wearing nothing but a smirk. Except the room was empty, the bedcovers slightly rumpled where Jensen must have placed his bag to fill it.

Jared didn’t go in, couldn’t contemplate ever going in that room again without Jensen being there. He closed the door, tears welling in his eyes— and a subtle rage roiling in his gut—walked a few paces down the hall and opened another door.

The room was still bright yellow, still covered in the painted cartoon animals that Jensen had laughed over, making up silly stories and getting paint all over himself and Jared the weekend they’d spent decorating. The toys and supplies they had optimistically bought—each one of them coming home now and again with something they just happened to see and couldn’t resist; a cute duck in a rain hat, a changing mat with cool pockets, the sweetest wolf mobile—were shoved in a plastic storage box. The crib was still only partly constructed but had been slowly shoved to one side of the room to make way for other things, junk which had accumulated with nowhere else to be. 

Their baby’s nursery, now a junk room. 

Tears of grief burned Jared’s eyes and the growing anger in him boiled over. Before he knew what was happening, the room turned red and that was all he remembered until Jim was crouched in front of him, his hands were cupping Jared’s face.

“Jared! Jared, come on, son.” 

Jared wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Jim sound so worried, still he tried to wrench himself away from his touch. His chest hurt as he sobbed and his vision was blurred. When he wiped at his eyes he realized that not only was his face wet but his hands were covered in blood.

The sight shocked him enough that he sat up from where he was slumped in the corner and took in the room. Or what was left of it. 

Everything was broken. Even the windows. The paintings on the walls were gone, obliterated by long gashes that had torn through the drywall. Anything hard was snapped or crushed, anything soft had been ripped to pieces. There were shards of crib and stuffing from the toys everywhere. Even the door was hanging off its hinges. It looked like a hurricane had been through the place. Or maybe a rampaging werewolf.

Jim let out a sigh of relief when Jared started to look around. “Thank god. You back with us?”

Jared nodded but then felt overcome again. His throat burned as he forced out, “He left me. My mate left me.”

Jim pulled him forward and held him close, letting Jared sob Jensen’s name into his collar, as he said gently, “I know, son. I know. It’ll be okay. You’ll see. It’ll be okay.”

 

Isaac had called Kim as soon as Jared had disappeared up the stairs. She in turn had called Jim, who had rushed right over, probably breaking a traffic law or two to get to them. He’d found Aaron covering Isaac’s ears in a corner of the kitchen, both boys terrified but intent on staying—Isaac because he didn’t want to leave his Alpha and Aaron because he didn’t want to leave Isaac. Jared had calmed somewhat once he’d heard Jim’s voice calling to him from the hall and eventually collapsed, exhausted, allowing Jim to finally get close. 

By the time Jim had dragged him from what was left of the nursery and had him downstairs on the couch with a whiskey in his hand, the cops had arrived. Jared couldn’t blame the neighbors for calling them. Not when a werewolf was obviously losing his mind down the street and there were kids in the house. He could hear Jim talking quietly to them at the door when Isaac came in.

The kid shuffled forward, obviously still afraid until Jared held up his arm and Issac rushed to him. They were sat next to each other on the couch when Jim came in with the cops following behind him. The two men, the larger obviously an Alpha himself, had their weapons drawn, hanging loosely at their sides as not to be obvious or threatening, but one look at the arm around Isaac’s shoulders had them asking a few obligatory questions before they simply put their guns away and left.

A fresh glass was put into Jared’s hand, this time full of water, to accompany the mug of sweet tea that was put on the table in front of him, and Jim extracted Isaac from Jared’s side. Jared could hear low voices and movement, followed by the sound of hammering coming from upstairs. Then Isaac and Jim were helping Jared to his feet and walking him out of his house, down the drive to Jim’s SUV.

It wasn’t until they started to push him into the front seat that Jared’s fog lifted enough to realized what was happening. He turned in a panic to Isaac, but the boy just smiled reassuring at him. “I’m okay. I’m going to go stay with Aaron tonight.” He hugged Jared tightly for a second then stood back, adding, “I won’t be late for school, don’t worry.”

They drove in silence. Jared’s head lolled against the window, the world outside flashing by in a blur much like the thoughts in his head. He felt nauseated and empty, angry and heartbroken, like he wanted to scream but it was trapped inside somehow. But most of all he just wanted Jensen. His mate was hurt and upset and he was out there, god-knows where and Jared couldn’t do a damn thing to help.

Jim didn’t even try to speak to him or ask what had happened. His mouth was set in a tight line, his lips pressed together, looking grim but purposeful. Jared realized he had no idea where Jim was taking him until they turned into his street. When they parked in Jim’s driveway, Jim immediately went around to the passenger door. Jared made no move to get out until Jim unbuckled his seatbelt and took him by the arm. It was like Jared had lost all ability to function, his mind filled with thoughts of his mate.

As they approached the house, Kim opened the door. She looked like she had been crying, and the way she gasped when she saw the state that Jared was in, looked like she was set to start again. Jared wanted to say something, give her some kind of reassurance but there was nothing. Nothing but Jensen.

Kim didn’t try to touch him when he came close but did block the way for a second, and said quietly, “Please try to be calm, baby.”

Jared nodded once, gutted at the thought she was that disappointed in him. But as she led him to the sitting room, he realized what she meant.

Jensen rose slowly from the chair, his whole body shaking. He looked even more broken than he had when he’d left the house, his eyes bloodshot and his face red and blotchy. He looked smaller somehow, frail. The sweatpants and sweater—both Jared’s—that he’d changed into, hung from him making the effect even more pronounced. 

Jared froze with the shock of it, unsure for a moment whether his mate wanted him there. But when Jensen took half a step forward, Jared cried out and ran to him, falling on his knees as he caught Jensen around the waist and they both collapsed on the rug. They held each other for what seemed like forever; Jensen only able to croak out, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” while Jared pleaded, “Don’t go. Please, don’t go.”

 

Kim placed a hot drink in front of Jensen then one in front of Jared at the other end of the dining table. Jared didn’t like that Jensen was sat so far from him—that he couldn’t touch him or scent him—but he knew that Kim had been right to separate them. They needed to talk this out. 

Kim sat herself between them, looking up briefly at Jim when he brought a drink for her. He touched her shoulder gently and smiled, then turned back to the kitchen. Jared was grateful for the way Jim brushed his hand lightly over Jensen’s shoulder too as he passed by. Jensen needed as much comfort as he could get.

Jensen wouldn’t look at him. After the initial shock of seeing each other, once Kim had coaxed them from each other’s arms and, in no uncertain terms, had told them they needed to sit down and work this through, Jensen had retreated from Jared and showed no sign of relenting.

“So, I think we can agree that running away or smashing things up isn’t going to do either of you any good.” Kim kept her head down as she talked, turning the mug in her hands on the table in front of her. “I’m so unbelievably sorry about what has happened. I—” She wiped at her eye with a finger before sighed and going on. “You need to talk. Or at least start.” She glanced over to Jim who was puttering around in the kitchen. “I know neither of you are probably feeling very hungry but dinner will be ready in about an hour. Talk here or in the yard. Then we can eat and figure out what you want to do tonight, okay?”

Jared nodded and saw Jensen do the same. Kim stood up and reached for Jared’s hand. He thought that she merely thought to reassure him but she pulled him gently out of her chair and led him to the seat next to Jensen. 

Jared sat down reluctantly when Jensen sniffed and tried to angle his body away from his mate. Kim wasn’t having that though, and as she passed Jensen, she placed a hand on each shoulder, bent down to kiss his head then turned him back, so the two wolves both faced the table.

Jared didn’t have the first clue of how to begin.  _ How are you feeling? _ was the last thing he wanted to ask. It was pretty evident from Jensen’s pallor and hitching breaths that he was far from alright.

Jared cleared his throat, his voice almost a whisper. “Did you come straight here?” Jensen looked surprised for some reason but recovered quickly and gave a tight nod. Jared sighed in relief and nodded back. “Good. That’s—good. To be with…family.” 

Jared winced at his choice of words but Jensen didn’t seem to notice. He just shrugged and said, “I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” It hurt to hear it but it was hard to deny. Jensen sniffed again and asked, “Did you really smash up the house?”

Slowly, Jared placed both elbows on the table, each side of his drink, and put his head in his hands. “Not the house. Just the—” He blew out hard. It was difficult enough to admit that he’d lost control like that but to have destroyed something Jensen had cherished… “I don’t even remember doing it. One minute, I was looking at the crib and thinking about that weekend we’d spent decorating, and the next…I’m so sorry, Jensen. You must be so ashamed of me.”

Jensen’s mug rattled on the table. Some tea slopped onto his fingers but he didn’t seem to notice. “Ashamed of—I don’t know how you can say that to me. I don’t know how you can even look at me, let alone be in the same room as me—” His hand came up to cover his mouth and he squeezed his eyes shut.

Jensen didn’t have to elaborate. Jared could guess what he was thinking. It wasn’t an unusual way of thinking even though most felt it to be old fashioned, if not plain offensive. Omegas were breeders. That was it. Their only role in the pack. It helped if they prettied up the place but historically, there had always been the idea that they should tend the home, bear the pups, and know their place. To be an Omega unable to do the most important of those things was to have no real purpose at all.

It didn’t matter that no one really believed that anymore—the ones that did, people like Jared’s father, were so far out of touch with reality it was seen as almost comical—the implication was still there. No matter that Jensen was going to school with career plans and ambitions. No matter that Jared was so proud of his mate’s intelligence and fierceness and wit. Jensen thought that Jared wouldn’t want him anymore.

Jared took a deep breath, turning slightly to face Jensen. “Do you remember the night we first met?”

Jensen pulled his hand from his mouth slowly. After a moment, opened his eyes and nodded, keeping his gaze on the table.

“Do you remember what you asked me? About when two wolves meet?”

Jensen frowned, seemingly trying to dredge up the memory but coming up with nothing.

With every ounce of caution that he could muster, Jared reached out and took Jensen gently by the hand. “You asked me if it was always like that. Actually, I think you said something about my eyes and how I smelled and then we—” Jared cut himself off. Even after all that time, he still had mixed feelings about how he’d handled things that night, but Jensen didn’t pull away. In fact, his fingers tightened around Jared’s.

“I don’t think I ever answered you but—no. No, it’s almost never like that. Even at the bar, I knew how much I wanted you. That you were mine. That I needed you. That feeling had never happened to me before and I  _ know _ it’ll never happen again. I love you, Jensen. Not for what you can give me but for who you are. You’re my mate. And nothing will ever change the way I feel about you.”

Jensen looked up, tears spilling down his cheeks. “But I’m broken,” he rasped out, almost as a whisper. “How can you still want me?”

Jared reached up and cupped his cheek, smearing away the tears with his thumb. “How can I not? I love you. That’s the end of it. All this means is that we may have to change our plans for a while. Even the doctor didn’t know how you’re going to be affected. And if we can’t have pups of our own then we still have each other. Don’t we?”

Jensen mouth dropped open and for a moment nothing came happened. Then a breath shuddered out of him, and he half-cried, half-whispered, “I wanted so much to have a baby with you, Jared. So much. So fucking much…”

Jared pulled Jensen to his chest. Jensen buried his head in the crook of his neck and sobbed as Jared kissed his temple and said quietly, “I know, Omega. I know. But we can get through this. We get through it.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a kudos if you read.  
> Leave a comment if you liked it.
> 
> This is unbeta'd so if you spot any errors, let me know in the comments and I'll tweak it ♥
> 
> Keep the fandom works in fandom, please.


End file.
